Yesterday when I picked up my 9 year old from school, he said “Mum, today I found out why John troubles me so much! It is because he was bullied when he was little.” So I asked the obvious question – how did you get to that conclusion?
“I asked him about it. You always say there is a reason why people behave the way they do. You always reason it out with them and then find a way out. So I did what I have learnt from you. I had a very good conversation with John. Mum I am confident that today I have improved my relationship with John.”
As a mum I could not have been more proud of my son. He has mastered a life skill – how to turn your adversary into your friend and turn around a bad situation in your favour.
This is true for all of us in any relationship. Turning a situation into your favour does not require luck, nor does it require any magic skills. It is about refocussing also known as reframing. In the above instance, my son changed focus from himself to his school-mate, the result was a stronger friendship.
There is always a reason why someone behaves in the way they do. By shifting focus, you give the other person an opportunity to express themselves. Once you understand the drivers behind someone’s behaviour, you can build tools to deal with it.
More on relationships in a later blog. Today I am going to soak in the feeling after getting the most important testimonial as a coach – that from my 9 year old son.