Imagine a world free of “I should”, “I must” or “I have to” … suddenly the stress levels go down and you feel free. But seriously – are you allowed to have that freedom? From childhood you have been taught about the right way to behave and the right way to think. You must clean the house, you should watch what you say, you have to get a proper job, you have to get a partner …. the list goes on and on and on and ….
For a moment imagine you are in a world where there is no “I should”, “ I must” or “I have to”. What happened? Did the world explode? Did anyone die? Did you explode? The chances are “NO” – none of these catastrophes happened. So what did happen? Did you feel the stress levels fall? Did you suddenly realise that you have a choice?
With choice comes realisation that you have options – there is more than one way of tackling a situation. Just because you have been told from the very beginning of time what is right, doesn’t make it the right way. Each of us has a unique way of thinking and a unique way of functioning. So, other people’s rules are not necessarily for us. Through our life, we are exposed to other people’s belief – our family, the media, our friends, our teachers. When we hear them often enough, we adopt them and mistake them to be our own. Living our life by someone else’s rulebook can be very stressful.
So how do you change this situation?
List on a piece of paper each of these restricting rules of your life. They start with “I should”, “I must”, “I have to”, “I should not”, I must not”, “I can’t”
Against each entry, write down what will happen if you did not comply with your rule
Then reflect and identify where you first heard this rule. Whose rule is it? Is it in harmony with your beliefs? Is it resourceful or unresourceful?
Now replace the above rules with a sentence starting with “I want to …”; “I choose to …”; “I would like to…”
You have now replaced someone else’s belief system with your own. Congratulations. Once you are in harmony with your own belief system, you will find you stress levels are down as well.