Recently, the Indian film industry lost a rising star – apparently due to depression. It has hit most people pretty hard – because he was young and a brilliant mind, a brilliant talent, a deep thinker – interested in subjects as diverse as astronomy and quantum physics.
As videos of his talks and interviews are doing the rounds on social media, it is hard to fathom the why and the what etc. because he comes across as sorted and grounded.
And herein lies the paradox! Mind is complex and we cannot always use our own rules to understand what someone else is going through.
People have been quick to post messages like “Friends we are here should you want to talk – don’t feel alone …” etc etc.
While all these messages come from the heart and with best intentions, are they enough?
What does “being there for someone really mean?” How can you support someone when they are in a state of emotional down?
Mind is a complex thing and yet it follows certain rules.
Rule # 1: Please do not judge others based on yourself. The chances that you understand what another person is going through are slim – unless you have been in exactly the same situation with exactly the same mindset.
Rule #2: If someone is feeling a negative unresourceful emotion then please don’t tell them to stop that feeling. Instead encourage them to acknowledge their negative unresourceful emotion. Stay with them till they are ready to let go of the emotion.
Rule #3: Our mind responds to positive actions better than instructions to stop doing something. So when the person is ready to let go of their negative emotion, slowly encourage them to move forward towards a more resourceful emotion. Refocus them from negative to positive (rather than asking them to stop thinking negative)
Rule #4: Please please please do not give advice. You may think you know what is right for the other person … however what is right for you may not be right for them … so instead of giving them advice, give them a suggestion – with their permission. Let them decide what part of that works for them. Giving advice when someone is down, will only add to their pressure – instead of doing good, you may end up bringing more harm – even though unintentional.
Rule #5: Our mind is very active and can work its own path. The best you can do for others is to be their sounding board – someone who is like a catalyst to help clarify their thinking – rather than forcing your own ideas onto them. Remember – in science – a catalyst is something used make a reaction happen. Property of a catalyst is that it remains untouched itself and doesn’t take part in the process – just is present so the other elements can do what they need to do.
Please take time and be present for others by focusing on THEM.
We are in times where the world is undergoing a lot of change and no one is untouched.
Stay safe and stay connected.