8 Dec 2014 – a day that changed my family forever. This was the day we lost our father in the form we knew and recognised him in. From a tangible body, he became an all-encompassing being / energy.
Death is a word I cannot associate with my father. Death is final. My father lives on in people’s heart and mind. As I put my first post informing people of his passing away, it hit me – he is not just my father – I can’t claim him as my own. He was a true public figure – touched everyone who he had met – some just once. There were a number of people who he had informally adopted and whose life he had shaped. He belonged to all of them. The legacy he leaves behind is huge.
A fortnight has passed and I have spent most of it reflecting on what he meant to me and the lessons I learnt from him – lessons that have shaped who I am. Lessons that have shaped my people management skills – whether it is in my professional life or personal life. I share these with you:
1. Believe in the goodness of others
Nobody gets out of bed wanting to be a bad person. There are reasons and circumstances that make people act a certain way. No matter how difficult a person, I never met a single person who did not share a good relationship with my father. They responded to his belief by showing him their goodness. He was able to get the best out of some really difficult people – just because he genuinely believed in them and general goodness of human beings.
2. Everyone is equal
My father had exceptional humility. When he retired as a senior leader in his organisation, he was on first name basis with everyone from the man at the gate or the chaiwalla to the head of the organisation. 20 years after he retired, he still got phone calls from each of them, wishing him on his birthday every year.
In a hierarchical society like India, this is no mean feat. By treating everyone as equal, he was able to open his mind to other people’s opinions and benefit from it. He respected people’s knowledge and ability, no matter what their status in society.
3. Focus completely on your task – not result
This was the most consistent lesson of my life. My first memory of this lesson was my year 12 exams. Everytime I stressed about my results, he would tell me to focus my energy on the task on hand. By worrying about my results, I was wasting energy which could have been better used on preparing for my exams – my task on hand.
4. Sense of humour
He established instant rapport thanks to his sense of humour. Not just that – in a difficult situation he could take the tension out instantly by his wicked sense of humour. It was impossible to remain stressed about anything if he was around – he made difficult fun. I have modelled this behaviour consistently and got some great results.
5. Let Go
This was the final lesson. The one he is testing us on with his departure. Let go – be detached. Do not be emotionally attached to situations or past. Be prepared for change because change is inevitable. With his departure in physical form, he has shown us yet again how change is inevitable. Do not be attached to the past – he has passed on but his teachings remain with us – each of us who he touched. This has been my way of dealing with the lack of his physical presence. Everytime I feel emotional, I hear his smiling voice telling me “You know everyone has to go one day. This was my day .” Time to let go ….